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呆..
the word itself looks like me now
been staring at the screen for like half an hour recently i hvnt been very happy..not very upset either
only that tinge of sadness hanging in me
not strong enough to provoke breakdowns(usually)
but enough to put me in a pessimistic position in seeing things
light touches on gloominess
nth beautiful about it sometimes (i mean job hunting haha)
i hate absolutes
cant we be something in between?
fitting into places is easy..but those r just role-plays
hey.i sound selfish even to myself... but this.i wish there were absolutes........
thinking over and over again without assurance is so tiring
sometimes i think if i follow the threads to their ends
i will get mad
but i guess i wont..cuz all i ve got is just bits and pieces hungry |
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| 其實消費(in materialistic terms)就像吸毒
大家都同意消費主義是不好的
卻又不由自主的被它擺佈...節日更甚
尤其對最親的人
禮物的價值好像跟一個人的價值對等了
把關係量化是一件好事嗎?
那是虛構的快樂
但那仍然是快樂..哈
不能否認收到禮物是開心的
到底那是佔有慾.虛榮心.還是需要填補的空虛感?
耳濡目染...internalized了
辨識了問題但找不到答案 有點不顧將來只顧現在的感覺
但及時行樂又好像沒有甚麼不對:D 不屑消費主義的人常說金錢買不到快樂
那是當你很有錢的時候
因為金錢再不是你的concern
但一個average person
偶爾用錢去買一點幸福感..不好嗎?
只是另一個比較artificial地得到快樂的途徑吧
i admit im a moderate materialist haaa |
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sometimes..i would rather stay still
cant bear to see how limited and inadequate i am
you wanna explore.get urself on the move
only to find that your tools are rusted
how sad
so...i have been a slacker in my past 21 years of life
yet worse..a runaway
did one do it intentionally
so that any flaws of their abilities would be covered up?
yea strive i would
afraid.even to think about the idea of a dead end
i need some revolution
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| some reflections for today..
we talk about death and rebirth in lectures and tutorials
their contrasts
that complicates things
i saw it today
it entered my mind so lightly.so natural
when i heard about the cremation stuff
i was kinda sad...in my heart
starting to make up pictures in my mind
but there came jokes and laughter
and when i bowed
i know its when sorrow's turned into faith
thanks to the delicate little plant : )
i nearly plucked it away-,-
p.s. something to moan about is that i didnt go to sogo eventually
wuwuwu byebye la shu uemura and ipsa:(
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剛剛交了一份paper
並沒有興奮的感覺
也沒有像以往般立即倒頭大睡
真的很不同
自從漸漸承認了自己畢業生的身份
以及尋找工作的需要
還有....
不可以再逃避了
但有時候決定也是一種逃避
papers assignments projects
是老師.prof assign的
是為了達到他們的要求(我衰- -)
將來.是自己對自己的要求
若pressure只是別人給的
那所有期望滿足也就不屬於我了
以前交paper會覺得釋懷
因為知道做paper這件討厭的事總會完結
但工作是一件life-long task
仲係an endless chain of tasks
既然完結是為了開始
那又為甚麼而高興
至於最想在工作裡得到些甚麼
暫時還需摸索一下
希望可以找到一份稱心的工作
現在心情ok~
所以的事要來便來吧- -
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